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Square Globe News - JUL, 2006

Clinton Still Pondering the Meaning of “is

In a recent session with his therapist, former Monica Lewinski mentor Bill Clinton confided that he is still perplexed by the meaning of the word “is”.   A transcript of the session was secretly leaked to Vanity ire Magazine, and SG-News has obtained a copy from the local newsstand.   Below is a portion of that transcript:

Therapist:   What is it like not knowing the meaning of “is” ?

Clinton:   The words “is so !  is not !  is so !  is not !” keep repeating in my head over and over again endlessly.   The meaning of “is” ?   I always ponder that.

Therapist:   Your affliction is a type of dyslexia.   In a normal case of dyslexia, a person often scrambles up the letters of a word when writing it.   But in your case, apparently, you are confused about right and wrong, and which of those is right and which is wrong.

Clinton:   Right is wrong, wrong is right ?  There is “is” again !

Therapist:   So you can’t tell what the meaning of “is” is,  but can you tell what it isn’t ?

Clinton:   … is or isn’t – it’s really the same thing – like positive zero and negative zero.

Therapist:   Say what ?

Clinton:   What.

Therapist:   Never mind.
I’d like to play a song for you and I’d like you to tell me your reaction to it.   The song is an old B.B. King tune called “is You is Or is You isn’t My Baby ?”.

[Song Plays …]

Clinton [after coming out of an apparent trance]:   I’m confused.   Did you say the title of the song was “is You is Or is You isn’t My Baby” ?   I thought the lyrics of the song were “is You is Or is You ain’t My Baby ?

Therapist:   Ah… so you did notice the difference between “isn’t” and “ain’t”. ?

Clinton:   I’m a southern boy – I know the meaning of “ain’t”.

Therapist:   Excellent.   The word “ain’t” means the same thing as “isn’t”.   So that means you know the meaning of “isn’t”, because “ain’t” and “isn’t” are the same thing.
So, to figure out the meaning of “is”, just think one thing:
What is the opposite of “ain’t” ?

Clinton:   “ain’t no” ?   “not ain’t” ?   Or wouldn’t that be like “ain’t” without the “n’t” ?   Is “ai” a word ?

Therapist:   “ai” is an abbreviation for “Artificial Insemination”.

Clinton:   … wow … WOW !!!   –   Now everything makes sense !!!

Therapist:   In what way ?

Clinton:   I’ll save a bunch of money on my health insurance by switching to AI-co !!!


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