Spanning the Four Corners of the Earth

Something Funny is Going on Here

SG-News didn’t win the Publitzer Prize for Nothing

Altered States
CARRter Dollars

Go To PAGE 1

About SG-News


Contact SG-News

Go To PAGE 1

Square Globe News - JUL, 2006

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke Appears to ‘lose it’ in Congressional Testimony

In his recent testimony before Congress, Federal Reserve Bank Chairman Ben Bernanke made a disturbing statement filled with apparent Freudian Slips.   The Fed Chief appeared disheveled and even appeared to be foaming at the lips at times.   One Senator quipped “he’s really lost it !”.   The Chairman refused to answer any questions afterwards, stating only that “current accounts have reached parody” and “bleeding economic indicators need a serious make-over”.   Television coverage of the testimony was interrupted in favor of commercials immediately after Bernanke first mentioned “zeroes”.   But SG-News was able to obtain a photocopy of Bernanke’s original transcript in its entirety (reprinted below):

by Feral Reverse Hairman Ben $ Bernanke.

To be sure, …

Geologists say world oil production will soon peak and begin a long decline.
Economists and governments say world economic growth (and thus, oil consumption) will continue expanding.

Danger ! – we’re on a collusion course !

So you’re one of the few countries left on Earth with oil to sell.   Who are you going to sell it to ?
The man typing zeroes on the computer ?
The man waving wads of paper ?
Or the man dropping solid gold bars at (but not on) your feet ?

Oil is purchased using USA/IMF gold.   No one will know… until a few gold billion turn up missing.

The Sitting Buck will finally get picked off.
Bonds away !!!

The Fed-Heads are not grateful that the “Maestro” has stopped running the show.
The “Jobloss Recovery” will be seen for what it really is:   a prelude to hyper-stagflation.

Terrorism will continue unabated, and horrorism will grow unabashed.
The Middle Beast will rear its ugly wellhead (again and again - but to no avail).

The House of Saud will be forced into exile in Texas where they will start a “Howdy Arabia” ranch.
Ironically, their new spread will be perforated with abandoned empty oil wells and Bushes.

And speaking of iron(y), Detroit will lose by default.

Japan will be in a no-gold situation.   Goldzilla will attack and destroy Tokyo unreal estate.

The Chinese will buy anything they can with their Federal Reserve NOTes.
Toro D’Oro will run rampant in the China shop.
They’ll pull the peg on the Dollar - toilet paper investments will get flushed.
No one will want to buy US Tragedy Bonds.

Europe’s “Growth vs. Stability Pact” will provide neither.
Britain, England, and the United Kingdom will never agree on anything.
Russia will be wooed by the United States, China, Europe, … and vodka.

When convicted of “GSE” (Government-Sponsored Embezzlement),
Freddie & Fannie executives will go directly to jail.   Do not pass gold.

Diesels will be scrapped in favor of donkeys.   Donkey carts will be big.
Genetically-engineered donkeys will be able to pull 25% more than ever before.
But they’ll be 50% more stubborn.

The Baby Doomers will not be able to retire on time (if at all).
Some will have to get jobs riding shotgun on donkey carts (or cleaning up after them).
American cities will smell like everyone is passing the gas (pumps).
“Road Rage” will take on a decidedly different atmosphere.

Citizens will finally realize that the Soylent Greenback is made out of people’s debt.
And everyone will be forced to eat Soylent Greenspam for years to come.
But in the Gold Folks home they’ll still eat real strawberry preserves -
which will cost $500 (or a couple small pieces of silver) per jar.

Cut off the supply of oil lubrication to an economic engine, and it will grind to a destructive halt.
And when it does, all the financial TV stupor-stars will be left shaking in their mute.
The Wall Street Urinal will overflow.
All the really important economic facts will slip through the quacks.
The S&P index will leave investors stranded & poor.
The NASDAQ will do the nasty, and the DOW will be dour.
The stock market bullish-it will hit the glass ceiling fan.
The dreaded margin calls will not be returned.

Interest rate derivatives will vaporize.   Insurers will sue.   Counter-parties will counter-sue.
James Bond Vigilantes will compound the problem.   Junk bomb spreads will mushroom.

Checks will not be cashed.   The issuance of cash will not be checked.
Trash will be burned in empty 55-gallon oil drums to generate heat for
increasing numbers living on the street.
The Snow job just made it worse.   Cash will be worth trash.   “Throw it all in the cash can”.

“Socialist Security Privatization” is, and will always be, a triple-dip whammy of an oxymoron.

The government-issued medium of exchange will grow by leaps and bounds (digitally).
But the new refrain in distant lands will be:   “your imperial credits are no good out here !”.
Digital petrodollars will be about as popular as diesel fumes.

A nefarious mastermind will increase the cost of oil even further – simply by not selling it.
The few remaining oil suppliers (including this “Oilfinger”)
will desire something substantial for their crude –
like gold.   Or platinum.   Or palladium.   Or silver.   Or plutonium.

Talk of a renewed Gold Standard will increase.   “Opportunity [Ft.] Knox !”
Some Gold Certificates will be issued (secretly).   Then too many will be issued (secretly).
Gold reserves will be mobilized to cover commitments.
Then the velocity of gold increases to hide the shortfall.
Velocities increase until the tangible world of gold collides with the intangible world of digital credits.
Here stops the Buck.

Digital credits are like a static charge.
When they come up against a good economic conductor like gold, they discharge into nothingness.

In the competition for scarce oil, the good (desired) money will push aside the bad.
The Argent at Arms will run the Fiat off a cliff.

Dislocation pressures are building,
due to continued manipulations of all markets in the name of “stability”.
The result will be major instability.
The “Big One”, when it comes, will rip like a perfect 10.0 on the San Andreas.
The debacle details will be covered up, whitewash-ington style.

Will we find that “deficits don’t matter” ?
Try this phrase on for size: “shortages don’t matter”.
It just doesn’t sound right (or even left).

A gold mind is never wasted.   He who has lots of “stuff” will prevail.   Thing King will rule.
For he is the “Dude Uncommon” who now holds gold.

To be sure, or not to be sure, that is the question …

SG-News is not supported by advertisers. But we need funds to pay off certain people in the Government !

So keep sending your non-tax-deductible donations to: 


P.O. Box 7486

Loveland, CO



Cash, checks, jewelry, postage stamps, old or unusual coins or paper money, or anything with a high value-to-weight ratio is accepted.   A real gold coin (or equivalent) will get you an article in SG-News about someone you know !   It could be someone you love to hate, or someone you just want to ‘roast’ for fun.   It could even be yourself if you’re into that sort of thing.   You pick the person and give us some details and a picture if you have one.   We’ll write the story and publish it in SG-News !

Do it today for a better edition tomorrow !
(Or maybe next week –
we’re kinda lazy.)

Tell your friends and enemies about SG-News !




Go To PAGE 1

Copyright 2006

Square Globe News

Go To PAGE 1